I underestimated what it would feel like to move somewhere where I know no one. And by no one, I mean no women. I had discounted how much I rely on women every single day – for laughter, for support, for reference, for connection.
My entire life in Washington DC is built around a tight circle of women. My sister who is only a phone call away, my mom who is near by and always available to help with my kids, my best girl friends, my neighbors and the other moms I have grown to know and laugh with. My business is completely focused on working / talking / interacting / even thinking with and about women. And my business partner and my team – all women – we literally spend all day laughing and working.
I underestimated what it would feel like to move so far from all of that. It feels like someone turned off the lights. And I can’t quite figure out how to get them all on again.
I’ve been going through withdrawal. Jesse says it’s grief. He may be right. I’m past denial. I’m on the angry and sad phases. I’m not sure if bartering will show up.
But no one hates a whiner more than I do, so while I’m accepting that this is how I feel right now, I’m also desperately trying to find my way out.
Today at lunch I befriended the woman at the table next to me. We’re having coffee next week. I asked a random woman whom I’ve only met via email if I could come visit her at her farm to see how she sheers her sheep.
I thought about what Suzie Mills told me about her Yoga studios and how they work because they create (among many other things,) community for people. So tonight I went to a yoga class, with 4 other women, and it was wonderful to laugh with them. It made me feel happy to be in the company of women.
I’ve found a place for Chloe and I to go horseback riding on a weekly basis. Because I also know that besides women, I need activities – things I love that will bring me up when I’m feeling blue. And I’m dragging poor Lucas on runs with me not only to keep my wits about me, but also to keep tabs on him.
I know I’m supposed to write about how amazing things are, how gorgeous and incredible and all that good stuff. And yes, there are literally rainbows and waterfalls and sheep (lots and lots of sheep,) over here.
And I know that in a few short months the days will be longer, the sun will shine brighter and I will have made lots of new friends. I will love living here and will be so happy to be here.
But for right now, I am grateful to the woman at the restaurant who texted me afterwards to invite me to coffee. And I am grateful for the women in the yoga class who made me laugh and invited me to the next class. And I’m grateful to be completely out of my comfort zone, even if it hurts like hell right now.